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An Interview with Michael Stillwater by Randy Peyser All of us have found ourselves in the midst of transition thoughout various times in our lives. We’re all born and we’re all going to die (except for those who believe they’ll just ascend and skip over that nasty death business). But in between our grand planetary entrance and our departure, we will find ourselves going through numerous life passages. For example, we might go in or out of relationship, (and hopefully, in again), graduate from school, get married or divorced, have children, change jobs, or endure the deaths of people we love. Whether we face our life passages kicking and screaming, or with utmost grace, one thing is certain—we’re all going to encounter these passages endlessly throughout our lifetime and we’re going to have to deal with them in one way or another. Enter intuitive songwriter, Michael Stillwater, a talented guitarist and soulful singer whose current focus is on what he calls, “crossover” music—music to comfort and support those who are dying, as well as anyone who is going through a transition or a major letting go in their life. During the process of his father’s terminal illness, Michael would sit by his dad’s bedside and sing songs that spontaneously emerged while he played his guitar. In the process of singing to his father, it became clear to Michael that his intuitive songs were one way in which he could compassionately support others in making their transition as well. With his gentle classical guitar and spontaneously woven songs, Michael created SongCare™ to help people move through the smorgasboard of transitions that life has to offer with a greater sense of ease and compassion. Whether celebrating a joyous occurrence such as the arrival of a newborn, or confronting a painfully challenging circumstance such as a life-threatening illness, Michael is able to meet a person in their most vulnerable place with songs that touch the soul. Michael has been working with oncologists, bringing music to people who are in states of fear or anxiety as they await the determination of an unknown prognosis, as well as with those who are in more advanced stages of illness. He has discovered that his music is particularly moving for listeners at moments when one is feeling vulnerable. “People are most vulnerable at a stress point; a stress point being birth or death, or for example, when someone is diagnosed with a severe illness, or when encountering a midlife crisis, or when changing careers, or during a vision quest time.” On one occasion, a woman who was considering having a bone marrow transplant asked Michael to create a song for her if she decided to have the transplant. She called one day and said, “It’s happening, and you need to do this over the phone, because I’m having the transplant tomorrow.” So he sang to her over the phone and offered the song to her as a meditation. As she was receiving the chemotherapy, the image he offered her was to imagine that the chemotherapy was actually a bath of healing light pouring through her. A beautiful song emerged as Michael sang to her..
The woman didn’t survive the transfusion and died two days later, but her husband said that the music was with her all the way through. She chanted the song, and made her transition courageously, and totally at peace. She did not struggle, was not in pain, nor did she express any anger. As much as the song was a comfort and a gift to the woman in her final hours, Michael acknowledges the gratitude he felt for having been able to touch another soul in such a profound way. Starting with one hospice, Michael soon expanded his services to other hospices. Eventually he was invited by Bethany Hays, an obstetrician working with Dr. Christine Northrup, to provide intuitive music for a workshop on “Creativity and Birth.” Dr. Hays said, “Michael, we need you at this end, [birth], not just at that end [death]. Speak to the parents right before they’re at that last moment [prior to giving birth].” From that workshop, a recording was made of Michael’s intuitive songs which has become his first CD related to life passages. Entitled, “Everywhere A Child Is Born,” these songs not only give support to the expectant mother and father, but also the attendants and all others involved in the birthing process. Michael now creates intuitive songs over the phone, in person, and even on-line, for individuals, couples, and groups. He has found that he doesn’t have to be in the physical presence of a person in order for his songs to make their impact. He can do it from a long distance and without being on the phone, just by feeling the person’s presence. “When the music comes through, it still has a remarkable sense of connection to them.” Rather than hear about a person’s life first, Michael prefers to have the first song he sings be one that’s completely intuitive without knowing anything about the person. According to Michael, after singing his first song when he asks the person what they would like to focus on, invariably they respond, “Well, you’ve already done it. You said what I needed to hear.” Michael often asks, “If there’s a pattern in your life that keeps repeating, and it doesn’t seem to want to change—like one of those psychological loops that plays over and over again and it feels like its keeping you blocked—if you feel comfortable, will you share it with me? Let’s go there. We’ll sing a song that can meet you in that place and open the door of mercy into that area.” According to Michael, it is mercy and compassion for oneself that are needed. In the process of singing an intuited song, “a different window opens up in the brain or in the heart to let some light come into an area that has a lot of judgement and darkness in it.” In the realm of relationship, Michael might ask, “Is there someone in your life with whom you feel a gap, or where there has been an estrangement?” If the person is willing, Michael will intuit the situation, then sing to that relationship, creating a musical bridge to healing. “It is a very beautiful process where oftentimes, a song will come through for a mother or a child or a father, that is intuited from a beloved family member who has died. Other times, songs will come through in connection to someone living, someone who is loved very much, that the person just wants to express their love to.” Michael’s music can also be used to celebrate happy passages such as the initiation of a relationship, or a marriage union, or anniversary. While living in Hawaii, a couple once asked him to do a song for each of them and then one for their relationship. Michael did not know at the time that the man was having a very hard time because he was going blind. The song he intuited and sang for this man was all about vision. Some time later, the man, a New York City businessman, called Michael to find out how he knew about his vision problem. Michael’s response—“We’re all connected. We’re really one being. And when we let down our defenses, we remember that. We’re all linked up.” The man said, “This is too amazing. You sang all about my vision in your song, and I was going blind because of a brain tumor. But since then, I’ve had an operation, the brain tumor has cleared up, and everything’s fine now. I can see and I’m a renewed man. In fact, now I have a spiritual life that I didn’t have before, and you’re a part of that.” Needless to say, he wanted more song portraits. Other questions that Michael might ask of a client are, “What is a dream you have that has not yet been fulfilled?” or “What is your heart calling for?” or, “What is a great pain that has been weighing you down for years?” or, “Is there something in your life that you’d like to celebrate?” Sometimes a person can articulate exactly what they are needing at the time, and other times they might say only a few words. Using his intuitive abilities, coupled with the words of his clients, Michael then creates a musical backround and a song emerges. Those who are at ease with the process are welcome to join in and sing as well. As the spontaneous songs emerge, Michael records and mails them to the recipients. “People have told me that as they listen to their songs, they quickly learn all the words on the tape, so they can sing all the songs back to themselves. Often the songs are in the first person, so they’re singing affirmational songs for themselves over and over again.” If the theme of a song is universal in nature, Michael will eventually weave it into a more structured, formalized song that becomes part of a larger repertoire of music for life passages. It takes having travelled deeply within oneself to have the kind of compassionate presence that Michael extends. He is equally at ease with those who have cause to celebrate life, as well as with those who are dying or despairing. From his own experience, he learned that he could be most effective when he could meet a person right where they were, rather than try to turn their experience into joy or try to pull them out of their pain. “As a result of meeting someone where they are, it brings solace and comfort, and then joy actually can emerge. Because joy is so close; it’s just on the other side of the pain.” Michael believes his ability to meet people in their most painful place developed as a result of much inner work, especially concerning his willingness to deal with his own shadow side, the parts of himself with which he felt most uncomfortable and did not want to completely embrace. He relates that as a teenager, he felt like he didn’t fit on this planet. At the age of fourteen he was drawn to the works of Edgar Cayce, Herman Hesse and Zen Buddhism, and to mystical writings and teachings. Then he began studying yoga at fifteen, and feeling the pulling of a monastic lifestyle, moved into an ashram by age seventeen. But at some point, the calling to experience life, and the calling of his music in particular, pulled him out into the world. He had deep experiences with meditation, chemically-induced altered states, seven years of yoga, and then ten years of involvement with A Course In Miracles. Michael calls all of this his “upper chakra” spiritual journey, where he lived primarily in the upper chakras. He encountered a major life passage of his own when he decided to let go of his very successful musical ministry, “Heaven Song,” which made it’s debut in the San Francisco Bay Area in the ‘80’s, then eventually relocated to Maui. Based on the Course In Miracles, Michael used song and prayer to offer musical and spiritual sustenance to seekers from every tradition. Upon leaving his ministry, he began to focus on graphic design and artwork, thinking this would be his mainstay while the music would be something he did on the side. But the healing aspect of music called him too strongly. “Music is a way of connecting with anything, anywhere, anytime, out of the dimensions of our constructed world. If we let constructions fall away, we can meet someone where they are.” When asked, “If you sang a song for yourself, what would it say?” Michael responds,
“It would say the things that often come through to others, because
in fact, there’s really only one song I’m ever singing. Even though
it has a million masks, a million variations, and all the keys, and
all the notes and all the words, there’s really only one theme, and
that is, ‘Have mercy upon yourself, and love yourself, and know how
beautiful you are. And let it in, and know that you are equal to all
the beauty in the Universe. And everything you’ve ever put on a pedestal—that’s
you, that’s equal to you, and everything you’ve ever compared yourself
to—that’s you, that’s all you, and you are magnificent. And I love you.
I love you. I love you’.”
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